Tuesday, 20 April 2010

FAQ's - Frequently Asked Questions (Chapter 1 Part 1)

Q: Do you know the way to San José?
A: No but try itunes.

Q: Do you bite?
A: Me no, but the Bro - only on Tuesdays under a full moon.

Q: Do you know next week's winning Lottery numbers?
A: Yes - so you need to phone this week as next week (Volcano permitting) we are in Switzerland consulting a Banker.

Q: What temperature should i set my oven at to bake a plumb pudding er tart i think?
A: 180C / Gas mark 4 - but please check the spelling you entered in your search.

Q: If i keep eating ginger nut biscuits will my hair turn ginger?
A: dooh!!!

Q: My boiler is broken - how much would you charge to call out and look at it?
A: If you were able to bring your boiler to us (which is impossible) there would be no charge usually we call out at no charge diagnose whats wrong and give you a price for the repair but would need a bit more info via the phone. Also we don't like to use an hourly rate as we view loitering as a crime!

Q: When I put my heating on it seems that some of my radiators are not heating as well as others, can you suggest a remedy?
A: Would need a bit more info just give us a bell.

Q: There seems to be a problem with my cistern especially at night if its flushed there's a terrible rattling noise from the pipes, you would think they are about to explode can you help me?
A: Its what we call a "water hammer". The reason it occurs more frequently at night is that with less people using water in the area the water pressure increases. I could bambuzzle you with the scienctific cause being related to frequency & resonance but put simply a new equilibrium type ballvalve fitted to your storage tank will in most cases cure the problem but give us a bell.
Mob. 07531984173 Email: jd-plumber@hotmail.co.uk

Q: I work most days could you call after 5pm or at weekends?
A: Yep no prob we would make an appointment and would text/call to say we were enroute and give our ETA.

Q: My boilers working ok although its been a while since its been serviced why should i get it serviced now?
A: Ok lets not even mention the really important things like safety and efficiency lets just go back to basics from an Engineers point of view - Bolts, Screws, Wingnuts, etc under the working conditions of the boiler namely heat moisture condensation and weathering will rust seize break - this results in your Engineer having to spend time drilling them out to get access to the boiler innards and then renewing them later an expense in time and parts that he may have to ask you for.

Q: How quickly can you respond to an Emergency?
A: I remember a job were we arrived at the same time as the Ambulance! The Lady's Husband had suffered a stroke, fell  and pulled the bathroom radiator off the wall. He ended up ok but we wondered afterwards who she had phoned first.
In a nutshell if we are able to attend we will if not we will tell you this and advise you on what can be done to help.

Q: Why should i pick you instead of another company?
A: There are many good plumbers out there but I only know the work of me and the Bro and so I can only vouch for the quality of us.

Q: What are your "Terms and Conditions"?
A: Please see small print.

Q: Your "Small Print" is that small I can't see it what does it say?
A: We don't have any "Small Print" - but just want to be treated as we treat others with honesty, integrity and respect - fundamentally we are helpers not takers.

Q: What did you say those lottery numbers were again?
A: 07- 5- 31- 9- 8- 41 - 73 @£$! sorry thats our phone number i think its Coffee and Swiss Roll time.

Q: Why are there no more questions?
A: Because I can't think of anymore.

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